“The Bible does not force us to choose between
Gods glory and our joy.”
That quote up there is the thought that is changing everything
in my life right now. Everything. I picked up Desiring God by John Piper (a
Piper book I’d never read) for ten cents at ReStore and guess what I
learned?
It’s ok to be happy.
Imagine that. (Plus 11 more pages of notes but I’ll get to all
that stuff later cause y’all KNOW I WILL)
Ten measly cents changed my entire life and now I’m on a quest
to discover what feeling delight in God really is.
Jubilant joy in Christ is ok. Commanded even.
Psalm 37:4 says to delight yourself in the Lord. The Psalms are
FILLED with the language of delighting in Him. Go look!
I didn’t even realize that while I sought to learn what true
worship is (not just feelings, not just raising my hands to music, not
goosebumps, not selfish, not seeking to look spiritual while doing it, not
proving God's existence with theatrics) I accidentally threw out all joy in
God. It suddenly felt selfish and I couldn't find my way back; I didn't even
know I was lost.
Desiring God says that we have told people “they ought not seek
their own pleasure, especially in worship. We have implied in a thousand ways
that the virtue of an act diminishes to the degree you enjoy doing it, and that
doing something because it yields happiness is bad.” (Desiring God).
Joy in worship is not bad, so long as it is an overflow of the
TRUTH in my heart.
You guys know all we've been through since Asher was a baby and
got sick. Diagnoses kept coming and
every time I prayed he would survive another wave of illness, it did indeed
slam me into the Rock of Ages as Spurgeon said it would.
So praise God. But also...I let it knock me around so much that
I ended up getting comfortable washed up
on the shore.
Years ago, a friend told me that I was acting as if I believed
God’s purpose for me was merely putting me through trials to teach me things.
Over and over it was all I was good for.
Over and over, His lessons wouldn't stick to me so He kept pushing me
down to teach me to rise. Except...I never got up. And I learned to love a
Father who pushed me down over and over and who expected nothing more of me
than to lie there and take it.
When my friend told me she sensed I believed this, it was brand new information to me but it felt right in my spirit. I just couldn’t get myself to
believe it. The only way my life made sense to me with God at the head was if
he was training me through trials only. I convinced myself I even liked
Him better that way.
It was easier to be slain by Him
than to rise up in His strength.
So I just stayed down and tried to serve and worship from there.
And I wondered why I couldn’t grasp contentment, or come close to true joy.
Despair was easier. Especially if it was my purpose. So I just decided
that it was.
So what made that statement she spoke years ago true to my heart in 2019? Beauty. Happiness. Joy. Why is it even there? Why does it exist, if
not for me?
If pain is God’s will at times then beautiful things for the
sole sake of being enjoyed are God’s will too. Painted flowers, babies’ tiny
sweet little toes that make us ecstatic for no reason, hugs, friends, little
things... None of these things exist to keep us physically alive. But we are
made in our Creator's image and He happens to be a Father who delights IN
US. So we are called to delight.
If trials teach me from the ground, then worshiping the creator
and partaking in His joy can lift me up. It’s allowed. It’s ok. The smell of
springtime can make my heart swell and I don’t have to question it or feel
guilty for getting something from the exchange. Beauty doesn’t trick me
into feeling something for any reason. It just is. My enjoyment can just be.
Does any of this make sense? No. But since when does the kingdom of God
ever make earthly sense, right? So be it.
I WILL NOT STAY DOWN
The trial that knocks me down, teaches me to rise.
I. Will. Rise. In Him.
Jubilant.
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