Zoe (my 11 year old) was having a rough morning,
so I gave her some space. She was holding it in pretty well, but eventually a
stream of moody, tired, aggravated words snapped out.
As soon as they did, I was all,
"ok I get it. You're tired, but that's your last chance. One more outburst
and blah blah blah, <insert threats of punishment>." And I kept going, kept demanding her mood to get back on track and...I was even making it worse.
I walked away and it hit me that
we don't give our kids many chances to be human before punishments. Or I
don't. Worse, I punish most of the time based on how I feel in the moment rather than what they are doing.
I have bad mornings and expect
grace or at least to be ignored until I pull myself together but often don't
extend that to my kids. Who are not only little humans learning how to human,
but are entitled to be irrational as they figure it out. Like me. But, I'm am
adult and I have this privelage to just work through it with no repercussions and
they don't.
It's our job to walk them through
it and teach them ways to cope with those feelings and how to apologize when
they happen.
So there's a balance I must find.
Where I stop the world for them for a second to check on them instead of
punishing first. Or something. I need to talk to them like human beings instead
of like slaves that I punish in the name of teaching them how to be productive
members of society.
Or something.
Parenting is hard.
(Please don't
remind me I can't let them get away with being bratty because you have to deal
with them as adults. I know. That's not what this is about. It's about me
responding to their needs...which often looks like defiance...in the way they
need most...not in the way that makes me feel the best at the time.)
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