Thursday, September 22, 2016

Zoe, anxiety and the summer from hell

**Zoe has given me permission to talk about her anxiety because she wants people who live with it to know they aren't alone. That said, please don't mention the blog or bring it up the issue of anxiety to Zoe when you see her. I'm protecting her, as she's only 9. A brave 9, but 9 all the same!**



Zoe (11) has anxiety like her mama (35). 

Dealing with anxiety in a child can be as hard to navigate as food allergies, at times. It may not be as physically scary (as in harm to her body, in Zoe's case), but it can rule our lives all the same. 

So it's good ground for her family to practice laying down our lives for someone else and taking our own feelings (and even aggravations at plans changing) and squashing them. 

Last year, Zo went to therapy once a week, then graduated to "as needed." Until recently she hasn't needed it. But summer is hard on her. She has an appointment in the morning and I feel relief that we have such help available. It's been a really bad summer, maybe the worst for her anxiety. Definitely the worst. I won't give details but we've left a lot of places (theaters at the start of a movie, church, play dates) and she has a hard time leaving home, even for the things she loves the most. 

It's weird to see the hard parts of yourself manifest in your children. It's easy to feel guilty, but let me tell you why you should shut that guilt down. Even the most terrible things can hold purpose...can be used for good. I'll give you an example from our life. 

We don't push scripture down our kids' throats (gag reflex, ya know?) but because it's the most important thing in our lives, of course we want them to hear it and get to know it and it's Author (one and the same) It's just woven into our lives. Ultimately, it's their decision. All that to say, we know how powerful the inspired words of God are. 

Zoe's never more receptive to hearing those words and to prayer than when she's in the thick of it, in anxiety's grip. She begs for me to read psalms, she calms as I pray over her, she knows God is ok when anxious thoughts invade because He talks about it...a lot. Not many other kids get these lessons this deeply, this early. Would I rather her be more typical?  Yes, of course. For her own sake because I hate to see her like this. I hate to see her suffer. 

But...

1. I realize now that no one is "normal" and everyone has their "stuff." Just because the littles that we're raising are little doesn't mean they won't face the same things we face as adults. You aren't doing anything wrong if your child is anxious or depressed or deals with sensory overload or autism or OCD or has ADHD. 

2. I've begun to even thank God for the good that comes from her attacks and nerves. During them, I thank Him in faith and after because I can see how He held her within it. 

How can I say this? Because, for the sake of survival and then thriving, she's going to learn from a very young age how to cope and that it's ok to not be ok. She'll tell other people this. She's more compassionate toward people who have a hard time with things. She has a hard time. Her brother has a hard time with another thing. You make room for people's "stuff" in order to have their amazing presence in your life. At 9, she already knows this. 

The most amazing thing is that with parenting you GET to take all of the stuff it has taken you half a lifetime to learn and you pour it into another human being. Everything I've learned about coping with anxiety, without and then with Jesus, I get to give to Zoe. What a gift! All of the lessons. 

Children get ALL of the benefit of their parents' sufferings. 

Reminds me of Jesus... 

This means (and this chokes me up) that MY anxiety has purpose. I don't think I could live in a world where the hard, dark times were for nothing. 

Turns out, they aren't. They are for Zoe. 



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