*I wrote this for my women's group, but it applies to men, too*
Sometimes I think we take
God’s rules that are meant to protect us and we use them to beat ourselves up. We use the double-edged sword to inflict tiny cuts up and down our bodies when we think about all the times we've disobeyed God's Word, aka, sinning.
Guilt upon guilt
When it should be
When it should be
Grace upon grace
God, in His holy wisdom,
gives us these instructions FOR OUR BENEFIT. For teaching, training, and correction so that we don't head out into the world unequipped for the terrain. Look below at some scriptures about obeying His word.
What if you mess up and break a rule He has given you? Do you live out your years mourning and feeling guilt/shame as a misguided way to atone for your sins? No, because Jesus already did that. One and done. You’re good. So why is it so hard accept that truth? It’s like THE MAIN ONE! Accepting this truth (or not) will affect every single other relationship you have. It is crucial for a woman to know whose she is. To know her name. To know from where her worth comes. This is step 1.
All Scripture is breathed out by God and profitable for teaching, for reproof, for correction, and for training in righteousness, that the man of God may be competent, equipped for every good work. 2 Tim 3:16-17 (training so we are equipped; he makes us competent because we represent him)
For this is the love of God, that we keep his commandments. And his commandments are not burdensome. 1 John 5:3 (the backpacks He gives us to navigate the terrain are NOT heavy...if they are maybe we should take out all of the things we put in there "just in case" God's stuff isn't enough.)
But I do as the Father has commanded me, so that the world may know that I love the Father. Rise, let us go from here. John 14:31 (you obey SO THAT the world knows your love for God; obedience introduces Jesus to onlookers)
Whoever keeps his commandments abides in God, and God in him. And by this we know that he abides in us, by the Spirit whom he has given us. 1 John 3:24 (you obey in order to live in God and in order for God to live in you)
But this command I gave them: ‘Obey my voice, and I will be your God, and you shall be my people. And walk in all the way that I command you, that it may be well with you.’ Jeremiah 7:23 (when you obey, it is well with your soul)
But be doers of the word, and not hearers only, deceiving yourselves. For if anyone is a hearer of the word and not a doer, he is like a man who looks intently at his natural face in a mirror. For he looks at himself and goes away and at once forgets what he was like. But the one who looks into the perfect law, the law of liberty, and perseveres, being no hearer who forgets but a doer who acts, he will be blessed in his doing. James 1:22-25 (you can't just agree with his commands, you have to follow them; your obedience blesses you when its in action.)
What if you mess up and break a rule He has given you? Do you live out your years mourning and feeling guilt/shame as a misguided way to atone for your sins? No, because Jesus already did that. One and done. You’re good. So why is it so hard accept that truth? It’s like THE MAIN ONE! Accepting this truth (or not) will affect every single other relationship you have. It is crucial for a woman to know whose she is. To know her name. To know from where her worth comes. This is step 1.
God, help us see.
We are prone to take a few of His commandments and make them bigger than the others, to place a bigger importance on some of his rules and then hyper-focus on them. It gives us a sense of control when sin isn't a control issue. It's about forgiveness, hence Jesus dying on the cross. There's no other way. I know this because Jesus already asked.
One problem with this is that we all have different histories and reasons why some sins seem worse than others. So when we mess up on one of the "biggies," we assume God is mad at us. For example, in 1 Corinthians 7 we see that sex outside of the covenant of marriage shouldn't happen (which is for our benefit). When we mess up and do it, suddenly it's as if we're ruined and our guilt overrides His grace.
But what about pride? It doesn't seem as big but man is it daily and deadly. We make some sins really big because it feels better to feel guilty about "big" sins than to change the little sins we commit everyday. It feels better to feel guilty than to look Jesus in the face and say I’m sorry, forgive me, and then accept that forgiveness and move on. I am the chiefest of sinners.
The rules we make bigger were meant
to work like life jackets,
but our own amplification of them
makes them like nooses around our necks.
One problem with this is that we all have different histories and reasons why some sins seem worse than others. So when we mess up on one of the "biggies," we assume God is mad at us. For example, in 1 Corinthians 7 we see that sex outside of the covenant of marriage shouldn't happen (which is for our benefit). When we mess up and do it, suddenly it's as if we're ruined and our guilt overrides His grace.
But what about pride? It doesn't seem as big but man is it daily and deadly. We make some sins really big because it feels better to feel guilty about "big" sins than to change the little sins we commit everyday. It feels better to feel guilty than to look Jesus in the face and say I’m sorry, forgive me, and then accept that forgiveness and move on. I am the chiefest of sinners.
I think when we try to atone for our sins it's sort of a misguided attempt to love God because that’s how we try to love people. If we mess up with someone and feel terrible, the guilt
shows on our faces, we offer to make it right, we offer to do something to make
it up to them.
He SEES our hearts and intentions and he’s willing to forgive those so we can MOVE ON and proclaim His name and serve his people. We can’t offer anything to God that He doesn’t already have and He doesn’t need anything from us. He doesn’t need our inclination to beat ourselves up on His behalf. His ways are perfect.
It can be really hard to accept from God when we're used to His people using their power/rules to to take advantage of us. We need to learn to accept what He’s giving and move on however we can.
How do we wage war against guilt and shame that stems from disobedience? Start with asking God to search your heart and show you WHY you still feel it. Just start there. Be honest and transparent in your prayer life.
To sin is human. We just have to recognize it and fight it in His strength and the power of His forgiveness.
Offer, offer, offer
Look the part
People want that
God doesn’t need that
He SEES our hearts and intentions and he’s willing to forgive those so we can MOVE ON and proclaim His name and serve his people. We can’t offer anything to God that He doesn’t already have and He doesn’t need anything from us. He doesn’t need our inclination to beat ourselves up on His behalf. His ways are perfect.
He doesn't use His power to assault us, but to save us.
He doesn't use His power to retaliate, but to redeem.
It can be really hard to accept from God when we're used to His people using their power/rules to to take advantage of us. We need to learn to accept what He’s giving and move on however we can.
We are not self-atoning.
Thank God.
How do we wage war against guilt and shame that stems from disobedience? Start with asking God to search your heart and show you WHY you still feel it. Just start there. Be honest and transparent in your prayer life.
None of this stuff is supposed to make you feel guilty
unless you continue to do it
and that guilt is the vehicle that drives you
to His grace.
To sin is human. We just have to recognize it and fight it in His strength and the power of His forgiveness.
When we try to do ANY of this on our own, dysfunction is born. Someone once said that God plus anything equals nothing. It can be confusing because while God has already redeemed us, we still have to continually ask for forgiveness.
Our GUILT-FUELED prayers tend to sound
like:
Oh God, I am so terrible, not even worthy of forgiveness, how do you put up with me? I have no self control, I hate myself, how can you even stand to look at me? Help me be better. Stop me from being terrible. What I do is too atrocious for You to look at, let alone forgive. I wouldn't blame you if you left me.
Instead of GRACE-FUELED like:
Oh God, you are so good! Your mercy is endless and your grace is more than sufficient. I feast on your daily bread, knowing tomorrow I will have enough for that day, which is why I don’t worry about tomorrow. I sin and do terrible things BUT GOD, You forgive me when I ask. I know what I do and do it anyway, I need your strength and wisdom and peace. I love you Father, thank you for this day, thank you for grace. I ask for forgiveness for what I’ve done, I know it was terrible, and I thank you for giving it to me. I move forward unashamed, uncontrolled by anyone/thing, washed clean.
Even a prayer where you’re
crying on the ground, feeling terrible is fine as long as you aren’t using it
as an excuse to heap guilt upon yourself.
Lay it all out before Him, mourn, let Him hold you and catch your tears
and then ask Him to remind you that He forgives when asked.
The guilt-fueled prayer isn't “wrong.” Anytime you pour your heart out to God it is not to be judged. I just want to point out that beating
yourself up in prayer and letting that be the end defeats the purpose of prayer.
I know what it’s like to live
like this. I felt nothing about my sin behavior before Jesus,
I numbed myself up. Even though I didn't know Jesus, I knew what I was doing was wrong but it made me feel powerful, so I didn't care. I met Jesus, I learned his commandments, and pushed my past beneath a blanket that I thought was grace, and I tried to forget it. But you know what? I needed to process it. I needed to pick it back up and hand it to
Jesus; to say, "oh Lord, this mess was created by a dead woman. She no longer exists and who I am now can move forward in Your love and in obedience to your Word." Nobody told me that.
Until...someone did tell me that and I did it. I threw off the blanket, kicked the basket filled with my sin off a cliff and danced off into the sunset, forever happy.
A decade after I covered my past, I tentatively grabbed the edge of the blanket, tattered by time, that had been covering it.
My mind was chaotic, imagining everything beneath it. My thumb felt the slimy underside and I recoiled. I looked back at Jesus as if to ask, do I have to?
My heartbeat raced ahead of Jesus'. I tried to imagine a life where that false grace blanket just stayed in place and I moved on because that sounded easier. I couldn't.
Jesus walked up behind me and put His hand over my hand. His thumb slid underneath mine so I didn't have to feel the residue of my decrepit sin. His other hand covered my eyes and my heart aligned with his as we pulled back the blanket to expose it all once more.
Jesus removed His hand from my eyes and we let the blanket fly away in the wind. What was underneath was dead. Rotting. Decaying. Festering for years. Like a zombie it moved around, needing something to attach itself to in order to survive.
A parasitic pile of my past.
Even though it was lifeless, for a decade I had felt those desperate movements. Shifting. Rolling. Heaving. Attempts to come back to life. That means I could never forget it was there for very long.
At the sight of it, I groaned and collapsed into the One who stood with me. He caught me. I cried in the presence of my sin and my Savior for hours. After catching every tear, he lifted my head.
I looked at the pile of my past; I looked at Jesus and whispered, "forgive me?" Like Lot's wife, I looked back again, but it was gone. I almost wanted it to be there so that I could wallow in its presence some more: a strange way to prove to God how unworthy I was. But He knew that is what I would be inclined to do. He removed it so that instead of wallowing in it, I would have to deal with its absence.
Until...someone did tell me that and I did it. I threw off the blanket, kicked the basket filled with my sin off a cliff and danced off into the sunset, forever happy.
PSYCH!!
A decade after I covered my past, I tentatively grabbed the edge of the blanket, tattered by time, that had been covering it.
My mind was chaotic, imagining everything beneath it. My thumb felt the slimy underside and I recoiled. I looked back at Jesus as if to ask, do I have to?
My heartbeat raced ahead of Jesus'. I tried to imagine a life where that false grace blanket just stayed in place and I moved on because that sounded easier. I couldn't.
Jesus walked up behind me and put His hand over my hand. His thumb slid underneath mine so I didn't have to feel the residue of my decrepit sin. His other hand covered my eyes and my heart aligned with his as we pulled back the blanket to expose it all once more.
Jesus removed His hand from my eyes and we let the blanket fly away in the wind. What was underneath was dead. Rotting. Decaying. Festering for years. Like a zombie it moved around, needing something to attach itself to in order to survive.
A parasitic pile of my past.
Even though it was lifeless, for a decade I had felt those desperate movements. Shifting. Rolling. Heaving. Attempts to come back to life. That means I could never forget it was there for very long.
At the sight of it, I groaned and collapsed into the One who stood with me. He caught me. I cried in the presence of my sin and my Savior for hours. After catching every tear, he lifted my head.
I looked at the pile of my past; I looked at Jesus and whispered, "forgive me?" Like Lot's wife, I looked back again, but it was gone. I almost wanted it to be there so that I could wallow in its presence some more: a strange way to prove to God how unworthy I was. But He knew that is what I would be inclined to do. He removed it so that instead of wallowing in it, I would have to deal with its absence.
Which was awesome.
And devastating.
It took years post-forgiveness.
I still deal with some of it,
which means that Isaac deals with it too
which means that Isaac deals with it too
but you know what?
It keeps me going back to Jesus.
I keep falling into His arms.
He catches my tears and lifts my head.
I keep falling into His arms.
He catches my tears and lifts my head.
He keeps reminding me that
I LACK NOTHING IN HIM.
I had to mourn it all a decade
after it ended, which hurt like hell. It
was brutal, like stripping the skin off of my bones, but TALK ABOUT FREEDOM! 2 Corinthians 3:17 says, "Now the Lord is the Spirit, and where the Spirit of the Lord is, there is freedom." During this time in my life, after the blanket was pulled away, Jen heard a phrase in her spirit for me and asked me to repeat it to myself when it got hard.
We both knew that my freedom was already here because that scripture says where the Spirit of the Lord is, there is freedom. But my heart just couldn't grab onto it and God knows I need words so He gave them to me through her. Then, on the way home from the school pick up line on a random day, I realized and FELT that I was free. And that was that. No fanfare.
There are still things I need to process with Jesus, but it doesn’t mean I’m not healed, free, and washed clean. If a soldier suffers from PTSD after a bloody, war-filled deployment, it doesn’t mean she’s actually still in the physical war; she’s home. She may be far away from that war-torn land, but she’s hurting because she's brought a piece of it home with her in her mind.
Invisible war wounds. She needs to heal and even when she is healed, she may live with it forever. But now, Jesus is in it with her.
Your freedom is closer than you think.
We both knew that my freedom was already here because that scripture says where the Spirit of the Lord is, there is freedom. But my heart just couldn't grab onto it and God knows I need words so He gave them to me through her. Then, on the way home from the school pick up line on a random day, I realized and FELT that I was free. And that was that. No fanfare.
Freedom was here.
There are still things I need to process with Jesus, but it doesn’t mean I’m not healed, free, and washed clean. If a soldier suffers from PTSD after a bloody, war-filled deployment, it doesn’t mean she’s actually still in the physical war; she’s home. She may be far away from that war-torn land, but she’s hurting because she's brought a piece of it home with her in her mind.
Invisible war wounds. She needs to heal and even when she is healed, she may live with it forever. But now, Jesus is in it with her.
The fact that she brought it home and deals with it doesn’t mean that God
has not touched her or that God is not with her. Do you understand? Healing feels complicated,
but grace is not. Yet God does both. Do not let guilt consume you. It may be the hardest war you ever battle in, but you have to fight by laying down your guilt. Accept His grace and then work through it. If it takes you fighting until you're in your earthly grave, then go down fighting in HIS strength.
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