When My Wonder Wanders:The Battlefield of My Inattention

Satan speaks to me the loudest in my inattention. 

I was thinking, I've gotten more stuff done this morning in the time that Willow has taken a bath than I did in whole years. While Lo was bathing, I painted the dingey windowsill that I looked at for years and felt guilty about when I could have just painted it. 30 minutes and years of guilt are just painted over. This happens to me in different ways over and over day after day now and it is so healing. 

Sometimes the pain is worth it 

because the healing is so good. 

Having an attention deficit is so weird. It's not bad though, it's how God created my brain and it promotes amazing things. I look around my world in wonder more than other people and I stop to think about words to describe it and God speaks to me loudest there, when my wonder wanders. 

Imagine God on one shoulder and Satan on the other. My mind decides to take a stroll and...

Satan: You're worthless. You may as well just lie down and not do anything because you can't complete tasks like "normal" women. You have a dirty house and it'll always be like that so you may as well not even try. Oh and you forgot to pick up the kids from school. Ha! Of course you did. Good job, way to stay at home and "mom."   You're not a "real" woman, you are so lazy and incompetent. You. Will. Never. Change. 

God: STOP what you are doing, Beloved. Let your mind wander. Look up. Do you see how I have painted the sky today? I want it to remind you of (insert revelation). NOW, go write it out and tell my people with your capable hands. You are always enough because you are mine. 

Satan tries to shout louder than God while God ignores Him and speaks anyway. God's voice never changes. They are both speaking.  Where?

                           

In order to hush the enemy and hear God in my attention deficit, I have to learn how to control it (ADD) as opposed to it controlling me. I did that by recognizing it (being diagnosed), prayer, medication and therapy. 

I get to make what the world sees as my deficit work in me for the kingdom of God, not bulldoze me into inactivity with guilt. 

I've had to retrain my brain- transform it -by renewing my mind in His word. I had to go back and learn who He says I am and to get to know the rhythm of His voice again. That way, when they're both speaking I don't get overwhelmed and cover my ears, I stop and listen for whose rhythm of speaking matches the One I know. Pastor Steve taught me that little trick. 

For years I've let the enemy tell me who I am and I am DONE with that. In years past, if I needed to paint I would wait for Isaac to be off work because I just assumed I didn't know what I was doing. Now apply that to everything. So lately when those thoughts enter my mind, Jesus and the low dose of Adderall remind me to ask:

"Wait...why can't I?" 

No one in my life ever told me I couldn't do stuff. My mom can do anything and she always reinforced that idea in me. Isaac WANTS me to be able to do these things for myself. It's the enemy and I'm not taking it anymore. I'm painting this month because I can do things. I can buy the paint and just do it. It's wild to think I ever thought I couldn't. 

Whatever your deficit is, it is never too late to look at it in the face and say, "YOU ARE NOT TAKING ME DOWN FOR ONE MORE SECOND." Even though I waited 36 years I will not mourn not doing it sooner. I'm just starting from today. 

Your mission. Look for where you feel your deficit is. Name it. Look at how God uses it for good and thank Him for it. Then however is best for you, take control of it and shut the enemy up. 

It's how you were made 

therefore your deficit is sufficiency 

when you let God speak to you IN IT. 

Get to know the rhythm of God's voice because you have that access as His beloved child. Then go change the world with your "deficit."