Lately I've been a little obsessed with painting all of the trim in our home white. The first two days I didn't even use a little roller when I could have because I loved the feel of making the brush go up and down the trim that had grown grimy with age and...well, children. With each brushstroke I could see a glimpse of before and after.
I kept standing back from my work just to see the spots where new white met old cream. It felt so good and productive.
I was fixing a problem and could immediately see the result. It was a high because it's what I yearn for with my real life problems. Immediately proof that I'm fixing it. Simple.
As many of my mental issues are being resolved (depression, anxiety, ADD), it's uncovering other ones that I've been able to suppress. This won't be a quick fix I suppose. Wouldn't you know it, obsessive and compulsive tendencies are starting to arise. I guess I always bypassed those with complete inactivity.
I'm coping by obsessively painting, obsessively cleaning and obsessively sorting Legos. I can't stop. I don't want to stop to eat, I don't want to stop to cook for the kids, I don't want to stop to grocery shop.
I
JUST
WANT
TO
PAINT
Painting is fixing something that I can SEE immediately. It's good and it needs done, but I need to slow down and schedule painting times around the things that need done in order to daily keep a house going.
I'm having a hard time finding the balance, but I'll get there. Like my therapist told me, "you don't have to fix everything at once."
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