The Hutchinson Big Announcement (2017 edition): Our Children of Light

Last year, we brought you this blog: The Hutchinson Big Announcement! #HutchSchool

This year, we're going back...but not backwards. Let's recap. 

2010 to 2016 

Private school for the kiddos 

2016 to 2017

Homeschool for the 2 bigs and public preschool for the little 

2017 to 20wewillsee

Zoe in private school

Asher in public school

Willow in public preschool

You can't say we judge different schooling decisions haha. We've nearly done it all.  Last year when we decided to homeschool (you can see the blog for our reasons), it felt right and so exciting.  Trepidation mixed with optimistic enthusiasm.  Excitement. 

I bet you're assuming since we aren't doing it this coming year that it was terrible and not what we expected.  You'd be partly right.  It wasn't what we expected.  But it wasn't terrible. 

It was beautiful. 

Amazing. 

Incredible. 

Unexpected. 

Weep-worthy.

And it was so incredibly right.  For that year.  Asher changed medicines for his epilepsy an untold number of times.  He spent time in the hospital, we spent a lot of time at Cincinnati Children's Hospital, and the worst part: he lost all of the knowledge he had learned from kindergarten on when the medications were at their most brutal.  We waited for that knowledge to come back, we assumed it would. 

It never did. 

For this reason, homeschool was most needed for Asher then and public school is what is most needed now. While he was going through all of those things, there is NO WAY that he could have stayed in or passed 2nd grade.  He would have felt frustrated, embarrassed, confused and stupid. I got to shelter him from that.  We still did school, but nothing like what anyone would imagine it looked like. Zoe got to learn at home as a bonus.  It was just an experiment year for her.  She loved it AND she's happy to go back to Covenant. I'd call that a win. 

When we assessed what was needed as the kids moved onto the next school year, I was devastated to realize that it wasn't homeschool. Asher needs help now, the kind that I can't give him.  As opposed to last year, I am not moving forward with excitement. More like resigned sadness and peace.  

I don't want to go back to the stressful mornings, packed together evenings of homework, dance, dinner, baths, after school moodiness and that be our every single day.  School projects, due dates, homework, (did I mention homework?), adjustments, tests, IEPS, 504s, therapies for 2 kids, my own therapy, THREE DIFFERENT KIDS AT THREE DIFFERENT SCHOOLS WITH THE SAME DROP OFF AND PICK UP TIMES!!!!!! That doesn't even cover the worry of food allergies and epilepsy in a school where I don't know anyone. NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO, Jesus send help. (And He will). I have to trust that if He is telling me to do it, He has equipped not only us as the parents, but everyone who will come into contact with Asher specifically. 

I know it's the right decision, so we're going to make it and move on.  As a sweet friend reminded me at church a few Sundays ago, I'm not the same person I was 2 years ago when they were in school.  I've gotten help for my mental issues and I'm WAY more healthy in that department.  I'm focused and determined in a way that I haven't ever been.  That gives me hope for the coming school year.  I'm excited to meet my new self as a mom of children in the school system. I pray for stamina, peace, wisdom and patience in this. Which is the same thing I want in all areas of life.  

HutchSchool was never meant to "work." It was never meant to last forever, or not last forever.  It was just what God was telling us to do at that time, so we obeyed and we will never regret obeying his commands.  

For this is the love of God, that we keep his commandments. And his commandments are not burdensome. 1 John 5:3

I am so blown away by how much God loves us.  He gave us this year of peace and respite. He interrupted our plans in order to save us.  I am forever grateful. 

Part of me mourns going back to "normal" next year; 

however, I keep reminding myself that this past year was more amazing than I could have imagined, 

so why do I assume that the coming year won't be? 

Send us out Lord, quiet the aggravations of daily school life and surprise us with Your peace. 

We know we aren't sending our kids "out" as if they've been sheltered and "in" this year.  They've been going out in the world every day and our goal as parents is to make sure they recognize the light and power they carry with them, no matter where they go. Homeschool, public school, private school...they take Jesus with them. 

Lord, above all, remind us that deciding to homeschool or not is not NEARLY as important as deciding to wake up everyday and follow You. Everything else...details. 

So whatever it is that you are looking at today and praying about and scared to do...the only thing to be done is to speak:

And then go. 

Falling Apart or Falling Together: Wild, Terrifying, And Awesome!

At any moment, 

no matter what you do 

it could all fall apart. 

And

At any moment, 

no matter what you do 

it could all fall into place. 

No matter what you do, no matter which failsafe plans you have in place, no matter how deep in a pit you are, a series of events (or a single event) could change the course of your whole life. So know who you are, know Whose you are and don't be too proud of your accomplishments or too depressed about your lack. 

Love people hard, serve others, pour yourself out and let your worth not be found in your earthly abundance or lack. 

When You Pick and Choose How to be Offended

When Christians pick and choose what to be offended by, it makes us look unreliable. 

And if we do this, we are. 

Here is some good advice even if you don't believe that this is the inspired word of God, living and active. 

Proverbs 19:11 
Good sense makes one slow to anger, and it is his glory to overlook an offense.

Proverbs 18:19 
A brother offended is more unyielding than a strong city, and quarreling is like the bars of a castle.

James 3:16 For where jealousy and selfish ambition exist, there will be disorder and every vile practice.

1 Peter 2:23 
When he was reviled, he did not revile in return; when he suffered, he did not threaten, but continued entrusting himself to him who judges justly.

Ephesians 4:26 
Be angry and do not sin

Mocked At Your Cross

And those who passed by derided him, wagging their heads and saying, “Aha! You who would destroy the temple and rebuild it in three days, save yourself, and come down from the cross!” So also the chief priests with the scribes mocked him to one another, saying, “He saved others; he cannot save himself. Let the Christ, the King of Israel, come down now from the cross that we may see and believe. Mark 15:29-32 

In reading Jesus' story, what has hit me this morning especially hard is that when He was mocked on the cross and people were being sarcastic in His pain, He didn't respond. They asked why - if he was a literal miracle worker - He didn't save himself, which of course alluded to the fact that He was NOT who He said He was. That He wasn't capable of miracles. 

He didn't defend Himself.  HE KNEW the truth, HE KNEW what was coming, HE KNEW why, HE KNEW they would soon know. 

The end was more important 

than the present moment.  

The bigger picture was more important 

than making a defense for every comment 

with the little human energy He had left. 

 He didn't have to defend the truth 

because the truth stood when He couldn't. 

In a matter of days, many people would know and the shock of what was coming was the fuel that would push them to spread the word.  

In that moment, 

His quiet was louder than 

any earthly shout.

HE DIDN'T HAVE TIME to address the naysayers, He had a bigger work to do.  His energy was completely used up on the present moment. HIS PURPOSE. 

No lie or sarcastic comment will EVER touch purpose. 

It's so different from how we treat the truth today.  As if we have to defend it to make it true.  If you live your life in truth and people try to discount that verbally, you don't HAVE to defend it. You don't HAVE to waste the energy you have trying to make them see it.  You speak your truth.  You live your truth.  Then you walk on.  HOW FREEING IS THAT? 

As I was reading about Jesus, The Today Show was on in the background and I could hear them talking about presidential candidates and then they showed video of the candidates bickering. (I wrote this in 2016, btw). I thought...man...how different would this be if they each just spoke their truths, the end?  

They waste SO much energy 

defending what they believe 

that I actually don't even 

know what they believe. 

What is their truth?  

Does anyone even know?

Do they? 

And we act all appalled at how they are behaving, but we are no different.  We both defend our truth until it's lost and demand that others defend theirs so that we can judge its worthiness.  

BUT WE CAN ALL CHANGE.  Look at Jesus. LOOK AT HIM. Quit wasting so much energy defending yourself and just live whatever time you have left.  

If Jesus' teachings have taught me anything, 

it's that if we are defending something, 

may it be our fellow man. 

If our fists and voices are raised, 

may it be against injustice. 

Willow's Good News! (more testing today)

Because Willow’s speech is so severely delayed, we had her assessed today to receive private speech therapy along with the awesome therapy she receives at school. Today was the first assessment I’ve ever gone to with Willow that I left surprised and flabbergasted.  That’s right, I said flabbergasted.  

Willow left with two suckers, one she snuck haha

When we were in Cincinnati 6 weeks ago with her developmental pediatrician, we noted that while she’s made huge improvements, she’s still developmentally-wise at about 24 months (if that). Willow is 3 and a half. Even with all of the many therapies she’s received in her lifetime, even with being in preschool, even with all the stuff we do at home that she doesn’t realize is “work.” We started to realize, ok, progress is good, but maybe she’ll never get “better.” Maybe she’ll just always be delayed and that’s ok.  And we really are ok with that…we just want Willow, not necessarily development. 

And then today happened.  The miraculous. 

As the speech therapist evaluated her, I saw her do things I’ve NEVER EVER seen her do.  Understand things she’s never understood.  For example, Willow would look at a page with four different pictures and be asked, “Sally got hurt, how do you think she got hurt?” Willow pointed at the picture of Sally who fell off the bike, as opposed to Sally sitting on a chair, or Sally eating sushi (ok, that wasn’t an option, I’m just really craving a Godzilla roll). 

Wait, what was I saying?

Question after question after question like that, she answered appropriately. Then out of nowhere, she showed us that she knows the difference between boy and girl. 

She doesn’t know any of the alphabet (but she knows the rhythm of the song!), she doesn't use pronouns or verbs, she doesn't have a grasp on shape/letter/number recognition, but who cares? She loves to snuggle me, that’s all I care about. 

Question: What is the shape of a snuggle?  

Answer: NO ONE CARES.

Follow up: Just snuggle me, toddler. 

The biggest thing:  SHE CAN FLIPPING COUNT TO 10 (sort of).  She knows the rhythm of counting, she gets to 3 and then 5 and then 8,9,TEN.  She doesn’t exactly understand the concept of counting, but she can say the numbers!!!  WHEN DID SHE LEARN THAT????  Miss Susie and Miss Amanda are miracle workers. New Beginnings Childcare and Learning Center was a godsend. 

I will remember this moment.  I’ll hang onto it on the hard days and use it as fuel to keep me going when the days are frustrating and it seems as if we are going backwards.  Most of the time the process of growth of anything is painful, so if we want the results, we have to put up with the pain.  I wrote a poem about it HERE called, "To Remain A Seed" if you'd like to read it. 

That said, results aren’t what I’m going for. It’s giving her the tools she needs to be who God called her to be and that’s Willow Gracen Hutchinson, lover of water and dancing to the theme songs of cartoons.  It’s LoLo who insists on sleeping next to her daddy every night saying, “I seep dahhhhhhdyyyy.”  It’s Lo who is so quick to say “I’m sorry” which is WAY more important than letters and numbers in my book! It's LoLo G who thinks she has to fake cough before she takes a drink of water, even if no one is looking. It's this little thang that sees blueberries in the store and shouts out (as loud as her toddler voice can) BOOOOOBIES!!!!!!

A funny thing that happened was when the speech therapist asked her, “where is your elbow?” and Willow pointed to her hair bow. Willow looked pretty proud of herself and it made sense since she calls it an "ow boh." She got full credit for answering that one!

From the beginning, everyone sort of suspected childhood apraxia of speech (rightly so, it seemed as if that is what the diagnosis would end up being) which is a tough road. We could have done it, but our road is already tough and I was tired thinking about it.  Today, while we haven’t ruled out apraxia completely, it seems that it’s a phonological disorder instead (still a tough road, but not necessarily a neurological one). We heard words today like: final consonant deletion, initial consonant deletion, cluster reduction, fronting and stopping.

Guys, today I’m just encouraged. Hopeful. Joyful. Not looking ahead. Enjoying the daily bread that God has given me and today it happens to be honey cornbread, which is my favorite.  Or oooohhhhhhhh those crescent rolls at Cheddars. 

#ps #ilovefood  

I’m proud of Willow and it has nothing to do with what age she tests as or what new skills she develops. I’m just so proud to be her mom, period.  She doesn't resist the winds of change and hardship, she embraces and then dances with them. She’s as resilient as a Willow Tree.  

 

Ever bending; never breaking

To Remain A Seed (a poem)

The Conception 

A seed 

That didn't choose to be buried

Begins covered and in darkness 

Its first commission is struggle

To get out of itself 

To get out of the earth

Courageously destroying 

And escaping

Its own protection 

The Death

The abrasive dirt holds on

Not willing to let go but willing to ruin

"If I can't have you, no one can"

Stripping it bare of its covering

But what was meant to destroy, releases

Deep in the earth, the seed's defense

Becomes part of the the very soil 

That will be taken up 

Into its roots as nourishment

Death contributing to life  

A necessary bravery 

Once the shell is shed 

There is no going back

It can never be a seed again

Risking demise in order to rise

The Birth

The bud awakens, original

To a strange and unfamiliar world

Growing furiously post mortem

As newness bursts through 

The surface of the soil 

Seeking that which will give it a covering

Leaves, Petals, Strength

Beauty

The Sun

An ever-moving magnet 

Wherever it is in the sky 

That is where the little bud leans

Captivated by concentrated vitality 

Enchanted by absolute energy 

That willingly draws it into another's yoke

Light 

The Flower

Flourishing, dependent 

Clothed by another

Its true self revealed, post struggle 

Petals stretch and colors flow

As purpose explodes earth-side 

The flower exists to seek the sun  

And be veiled in its brilliance

Dear Reader, The Problem

If a seed never struggles 

To break out of its shell

It will start to feel comfortable

Deep in the earth

Soon it won't remember

That it was supposed to be 

Anything but a seed

It remains alone

Clinging to a covering that strangles 

The seed's inevitable, unseen death

Produces nothing 

Dear Reader, The Lesson

A seed is not meant to remain a seed 

To inhabit its shell forever

Its purpose is fighting to die  

Against itself

Against the unforgiving earth

Against the impulse to remain unchanged

The war to shed its skin results

In rising new 

Yielding immeasurable fruit 

Life that continues forever

Unshelled, unveiled 

-Courtney Hutchinson