This year, we're going back...but not backwards. Let's recap.
2010 to 2016
Private school for the kiddos
2016 to 2017
Homeschool for the 2 bigs and public preschool for the little
2017 to 20wewillsee
Zoe in private school
Asher in public school
Willow in public preschool
You can't say we judge different schooling decisions haha. We've nearly done it all. Last year when we decided to homeschool (you can see the blog for our reasons), it felt right and so exciting. Trepidation mixed with optimistic enthusiasm. Excitement.
I bet you're assuming since we aren't doing it this coming year that it was terrible and not what we expected. You'd be partly right. It wasn't what we expected. But it wasn't terrible.
It was beautiful.
Amazing.
Incredible.
Unexpected.
Weep-worthy.
And it was so incredibly right. For that year. Asher changed medicines for his epilepsy an untold number of times. He spent time in the hospital, we spent a lot of time at Cincinnati Children's Hospital, and the worst part: he lost all of the knowledge he had learned from kindergarten on when the medications were at their most brutal. We waited for that knowledge to come back, we assumed it would.
It never did.
For this reason, homeschool was most needed for Asher then and public school is what is most needed now. While he was going through all of those things, there is NO WAY that he could have stayed in or passed 2nd grade. He would have felt frustrated, embarrassed, confused and stupid. I got to shelter him from that. We still did school, but nothing like what anyone would imagine it looked like. Zoe got to learn at home as a bonus. It was just an experiment year for her. She loved it AND she's happy to go back to Covenant. I'd call that a win.
When we assessed what was needed as the kids moved onto the next school year, I was devastated to realize that it wasn't homeschool. Asher needs help now, the kind that I can't give him. As opposed to last year, I am not moving forward with excitement. More like resigned sadness and peace.
I don't want to go back to the stressful mornings, packed together evenings of homework, dance, dinner, baths, after school moodiness and that be our every single day. School projects, due dates, homework, (did I mention homework?), adjustments, tests, IEPS, 504s, therapies for 2 kids, my own therapy, THREE DIFFERENT KIDS AT THREE DIFFERENT SCHOOLS WITH THE SAME DROP OFF AND PICK UP TIMES!!!!!! That doesn't even cover the worry of food allergies and epilepsy in a school where I don't know anyone. NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO, Jesus send help. (And He will). I have to trust that if He is telling me to do it, He has equipped not only us as the parents, but everyone who will come into contact with Asher specifically.
I know it's the right decision, so we're going to make it and move on. As a sweet friend reminded me at church a few Sundays ago, I'm not the same person I was 2 years ago when they were in school. I've gotten help for my mental issues and I'm WAY more healthy in that department. I'm focused and determined in a way that I haven't ever been. That gives me hope for the coming school year. I'm excited to meet my new self as a mom of children in the school system. I pray for stamina, peace, wisdom and patience in this. Which is the same thing I want in all areas of life.
HutchSchool was never meant to "work." It was never meant to last forever, or not last forever. It was just what God was telling us to do at that time, so we obeyed and we will never regret obeying his commands.
For this is the love of God, that we keep his commandments. And his commandments are not burdensome. 1 John 5:3
I am so blown away by how much God loves us. He gave us this year of peace and respite. He interrupted our plans in order to save us. I am forever grateful.
Part of me mourns going back to "normal" next year;
however, I keep reminding myself that this past year was more amazing than I could have imagined,
so why do I assume that the coming year won't be?
Send us out Lord, quiet the aggravations of daily school life and surprise us with Your peace.
We know we aren't sending our kids "out" as if they've been sheltered and "in" this year. They've been going out in the world every day and our goal as parents is to make sure they recognize the light and power they carry with them, no matter where they go. Homeschool, public school, private school...they take Jesus with them.
Lord, above all, remind us that deciding to homeschool or not is not NEARLY as important as deciding to wake up everyday and follow You. Everything else...details.
So whatever it is that you are looking at today and praying about and scared to do...the only thing to be done is to speak:
And then go.
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