Two days ago, Willow drew this picture. Why is it so important? This is the first time she's ever drawn a picture that had a story or meant anything. Usually, she just scribbles and draws lines, which keeps her attention for about 5 seconds. (Unless she’s drawing on furniture or walls, then her attention span is limitless. Toddlers…amiright?)
She brought it TO me. It was a gift and when I asked what she drew, she said (are you ready?), "Ah-wo, mommy, daddy."
Willow, Mommy, Daddy.
SHE DREW US!
This is why I needed to see it today: For the most part, I don't dwell on her delay because she's just Willow and I don't want to change her, I just want to help her navigate the world. But sometimes, it really gets to me and makes me emotional and I overthink and cry in the shower. And that's ok.
This week, all I've done is notice other kids her age and realize how often I forget what 3 and a half year olds do and say. So often it seems that she's "typical" because we just live with her everyday and whatever ya know? She can function and has her own little LoLoLanguage.
At times though, I just really see it. Sometimes that bothers me and sometimes I tuck it away and move on. This week, I've really noticed parents talking about potty training and ABCs and what their kids are doing at ages years younger than Lo, that she's not even doing yet. 1 year olds understand some concepts that she doesn’t. I’ve had to hold back tears many times. In any other instance, I would let them flow and talk it out, but I can't about this. Why?
1. People try to make you feel better and I don't want/need to feel better. I just want to say it.
2. (this is the biggie) I'm fearful that people will stop talking about their kids achievements/milestones/funnies around me, worrying that they're making me sad or bringing her delay to the forefront by merely mentioning their child. I'm afraid they'll stop bringing their little ones around me/Willow because they don't want to hurt my heart. I PROMISE YOU WON’T! I’m afraid that when I speak this truth, it will make them feel guilty. Their cheeks will burn red and they’ll start to say what their kids don’t do well yet. They’ll feel guilty for their child’s typical development. My heart will sink for them and for me.
I'm telling you now, if I ever realized someone was doing that, it would hurt my heart way more than the momentary, fleeting moments of sadness I have over her delays.
So I'm saying it to the world BECAUSE there are bound to be other parents out there who don't speak up because of the same reasons (and I understand, even support that because I do it) that are born out of love for those around us. I'll be your voice because this stuff is stupid hard to say. My fear is that the people around us will change when they hear me say this stuff and I don't want that. I don't want to change ANYone, I just want to get it out, let you see it from a different perspective and then we all move on in love. Ya know?
So this little picture today reminded me of what we're fighting for and it gave me some hope in a hopeless day. I see bodies, eyes, something black (a table?) in the corner...I see us. Willow did that. It means she sees us and what is more important than that?
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