Courtney and Adderall: Spider Webs

I wanted to give a little update on how my journey with diagnosis, therapy and medication is going.  I was diagnosed with depression, anxiety, ADD and PTSD a few months ago and began taking Zoloft and Adderall.  

I've noticed that while I'm still dealing with and working on anxiety in therapy, I'm getting over the panic more quickly. It's like there used to be this spider web in my head and when anxiety came in, it just stuck to it. The more I wrestled with anxiety, the longer it stayed and more wrapped up in the web we both got; I never escaped it. 

My brain looked like a haunted house. 

It's as if being on Adderall (specifically) has cleared my head of that spider web. I can rationalize the panic a bit more. Not all the way, but what used to cost me a whole day, I can get over in one hour or even just one rational thought. I didn't expect that. It's wild. I thought that Adderall would simply make me more likely to take out the trash or remember appointments but it's done so much more. It's given me a life that I didn't even know was within me. 

In therapy, I'm learning things about myself like how (while I do NOT have OCD) I cope with life by using a couple of techniques that look like OCD. The constant counting of things, for example. I always just thought that meant I was a little crazy. But it's just what helps me focus. It quiets my brain a little. It doesn't affect my life and for now she said it's ok. It made me feel better about myself. 

The biggest fear I deal with now is being scared that I'll wake up one day and be the old me after experiencing what it's like to feel like this. And then what? I cannot go back. I have to push that thought aside over and over and live in today. 

I want to end by once again encouraging you to seek help from a professional if you think you have any mental health issues. If you need motivation to make the call, I'll stick with you. You don't have to go on medicine, of course you don't. That's just what my journey has brought; just talk to someone. I didn't for so long because I didn't want the extra co-pays or to make the effort to go to appointments. Now I would sell my home and all that is in it to attend these appointments. 

Your life matters and it is worth it. I am with you.