The Majestic Miss Understood (so many pictures of unicorns, you guys)

{Insert movie voice}

"Imagine a world

where we all just gave each other a break." 

stares off into the distance 

imagining rainbows, unicorns 
and all things majestic but uncaptureable  

somebody take my money, i want this 

Whoa. I'm getting off track.  Back to the ol' bloggy blog. 

I have a hard time writing. Not because of me, but because of you...annnnnnddddohhhhkayyyy because of me. One of my biggest fears is being misunderstood. 

see? i'm not the only one...

although she spells it a little differently than i would...

why do people needlessly change the spelling of wordz????

i digress...

The fear of being misunderstood affects my writing process. I attempt to pillow my writing in a way that--if it won't make everyone happy--it will at least come across as respectful. I try to cover every argument and question you may have about what I'm saying BEFORE you can even question me. Ok, ok and it's partly because I'm scared of confrontation (even the constructive kind). My heart races and I decide I'm just not going to address you because it's scary and you may be offended and blah blah blah. A few times I've been found bent over, dry-heaving and saying, "NEVER AGAIN WILL I WRITE OUT MY THOUGHTS," when someone has come up against me. And then...God makes me do it again anyway. 

 Rich Mullins knew what was up 

But guess what? YOU are an adult. I'm not giving you enough credit to take what I say, throw out what doesn't resonate with you, keep the rest, and then discuss it with me. If you aren't grown enough to do that well then you're a big ol' baby and that's on you. If I disrespect you with my words then call me out, good people! Please! We'll talk it out together. I'm all about learning and growing. 

If my words do not represent who I am 

(or want to be) 

then I want to know about it.  

Sometimes we can't see that in ourselves 

and it needs to be pointed out to us. 

Be open to that.

I want to be confident in my writing and able to communicate what I believe even if it's unpopular--even if my wimpy little metaphorical voice shakes. Even if my fingers tremble as I type out the words. 

Know what else? I WANT TO MAKE MISTAKES. I want permission to have the wrong ideas about things so that I can grow. Social media doesn't give me that permission so I'll have to give it to myself. 

God instructs me speak, not "speak only when you've got it all figured out" because I'll be working out my salvation for my entire life (see Philippians 2:12). With...you guessed it...fear and TREMBLING.

Look at what he tells us to do (the bold print is mine) :

1 Peter 3:13-16 Now who is there to harm you if you are zealous for what is good? But even if you should suffer for righteousness' sake, you will be blessed. Have no fear of them, nor be troubled, but in your hearts honor Christ the Lord as holy, always being prepared to make a defense to anyone who asks you for a reason for the hope that is in you; yet do it with gentleness and respect, having a good conscience, so that, when you are slandered, those who revile your good behavior in Christ may be put to shame.

 Acts 18:9 And the Lord said to Paul one night in a vision, “Do not be afraid, but go on speaking and do not be silent, for I am with you 

Proverbs 31:8-9 Open your mouth for the mute, for the rights of all who are destitute. Open your mouth, judge righteously, defend the rights of the poor and needy. 

For a few more examples of him calling us to open up our mouths to speak, see:

Matthew 10:19-20

Romans 10:8-9

Colossians 3:16-17

2 Corinthians 10:5

Hebrews 13:15

2 Timothy 3:14-17

Ephesians 4:15 

I have to trust you with it all, reader, because God trusted it with me and I trust Him. I am an ambassador for Christ; an ambassador who is not perfect like the One who sent me. I make many mistakes as I grow. 

God placed me as a little seed in the ground and I grow stronger and stronger each day as I break through the soil, ever reaching for the sun. I'm not as strong as I'll be fully grown, but I'm not that little bud breaking through the soil either.  Both are strong in their own ways, but the longer we reach toward God, the more wisdom we'll have. We won't be perfected until heaven so don't expect perfection from another human being.  

I have to be ok with 

not being perfect 

because sometimes I  

really find my voice 

in the imperfections. 

In the mistakes.

Everything is so permanent online but guess what takes that power away? Being open to admitting when you're wrong or you just don't know. What the heck is so scary about THAT? I think it's freeing. 

Rather than being right all the time, I'd rather have consistency. Consistent truth in love while recognizing that my track record shows me that I've changed my mind a few times about what truth is. 

That doesn't change truth. 

It changes me.

Be easy with me friends! I'm bound to let you down sooner or later if I haven't already. It's cool.

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