That's my 3 year old in the pool this past summer. Standing under that water was one of the biggest achievements I've ever witnessed another human being make. And she's mine!! Let me back up a little. Willow has:
*global development delay - she's developmentally about 18 months behind her age.
*sensory processing disorder - she has trouble filtering, organizing, and interpreting information taken in by the senses.
*low muscle tone - her muscles are on the loose, floppy side which results in lots of falls and general clumsiness.
*anxiety - a nervous disorder characterized by a state of excessive uneasiness and apprehension, typically with compulsive behavior and panic attacks.
*a severe speech delay- most people don't understand her words and until 5 months after this picture was taken, she didn't put two words together. The single words she had were limited to 10.
That day at the pool, she wanted so desperately to walk underneath that water mushroom like the other kids. I sat on the edge of the pool and watched to see what would happen. When she looked at me with anxiety in her eyes, I would either remind her that she didn't have to do it if she didn't want to or tell her she could do it when she was ready.
You see, she constantly looks to me in her fear--not for answers but just to know I'm there and to acknowledge her fear. It's what we all want. We don't necessarily want or expect anyone to fix it, we just want someone to be with us, to see us, to acknowledge our fear. It seems as if people are always (from a good place) trying to prove to us why our fear isn't rational in hopes that it will make us suddenly unafraid. But that just isn't an effective weapon against anxiety. You can't fight anxious thoughts with rational thoughts. Two things that reassure me are:
1. This feeling is valid and real.
I know it feels bad now and that doesn't feel ok... but that's ok.
Remember, it won't always be like it is
in this moment.
2. I'm here. I don't know how to fix it,
but I'll listen forever and I won't judge your pain.
It's ok to ride the roller coaster of emotions
and just survive for awhile.
Ok, back to Willow (I tend to be wordy). She got pretty close to entering that water mushroom one time and as the water showered her face and the roar of the water got louder, she covered her ears with her hands.
She turned toward me. I smiled. She smiled as her breaths came quickly. I expected her to come to me to be reassured but she shocked me.
She turned back around and with her little hands over her little ears, she walked through the water and under that mushroom. She took her hands off of her ears and waved them in the air in celebration. That is the moment I captured in the picture at the top of this blog.
I stood up on the edge of the pool and looked around. Surely the whole pool noticed that WILLOW GRACEN just conquered a fear UNEXPECTEDLY! But it was just me, prouder than any parent has ever been in the entire history OF EVER!
Watching her navigate the pool that day reminded me of something. Willow is covering her ears because that's what she does to cope when she's overwhelmed.
when she says no to something
when she's scared
when she's uncertain
when a situation is new
when she sees someone she doesn't know
when she can't make sense of the world
The thought of walking into that water was too much...but at the same time, she wanted to do it so much.
Watching that struggle play out in her every day is hard for a mom. I want to jump in and save her every time but she needs her own victories and she needs her own failures. She'll always see me on the sidelines cheering her on (and at times I'll pop in to save her), but I want her to learn how to cope with overwhelming situations at a young age. The only way for that to happen is to experience them, to overcome them, and to fail at overcoming them. But to never stop facing them, no matter the outcome.
When Willow puts her hands over her ears, guess what she's doing? Coping. It's her way to cope with stress and uncertainty. Do you know what else is? Responsibly taking medication for depression, anxiety, ADD, PTSD, or any mental illness.
I would never tell Willow to uncover her ears
when it's a simple way to help her get to
the same place as the rest of us.
I would never suggest taking away something
that safely helps you cope in this world, either.
When you cope, it just means that you use something (a skill, a mechanism, a medication) to get to a place that you wouldn't have gotten to without it. A place where you want to go. So who cares how you get there as long as you get there safely?
Life is hard enough without assuming that merely needing help means you aren't strong enough. We all need help and to cope with the big world--we all do it whether we recognize it or not.
Recognizing coping mechanisms is healthy;
coping can be dangerous if you don't
realize that you're doing it.
There are many ways to cope that may work for you, but I bring up medication because it is often the thing that people in your life think they have a right to look down upon. To judge. To have an opinion on, as if it's the easy way out or decided upon hastily.
Covering her ears is WillowBrave. I am so proud of her bravery in covering her ears. It shows me that she's learning how to cope in a world that can feel big, scary and overwhelming.
I want you to know that taking your medication when you need it is (insert your name) ________Brave. I am so proud of your bravery in seeking help. It shows me that you're learning how to cope in a world that can feel big, scary and overwhelming.
I am CourtneyBrave for taking Zoloft and Adderall and consistently attending therapy.
I am CourtneyBrave for taking Zoloft and Adderall and consistently attending therapy.
It takes courage to cope.
Way more courage than pretending
you're fine when you're not.
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