Put The Hanger Through the Hoop: Courtney on Adderall

I wrote this day I began taking Adderall for ADD.

I started Adderall today and while I was organizing and putting up my clothes (YES, you read that right! A miracle has happened already), I realized if my ADD could be summed up in one way, it's this: 

I was hanging up one of my 1,002 cardigans and I thought to myself how much better it would be if I just slid the hanger through the the hoop at the top so that it didn't slide off in the closet. I realized that I never do this. I always think about it. It would take one second and save me from looking in the bottom of my closet and all over my bedroom floor in shame everyday and think, "why can't I be like other women?" Then wonder, "why don't I just put it through the hoop?" 

(not my closet, mine was worse)

Instead of picking up the cardigan and hanging it up, I just look at it and cry about why I can't do it. Doesn't make sense does it? ADD loves a good self-sabotage, of which I am the Queen. 

Already, Adderall is enabling me to 

put the hanger through the hoop 

the first time while I kind of wonder 

why I didn't do it before. 

It's so simple. 

But ADD makes the simple things 

complicated in my life. 

That image of the hanger and hoop perfectly captures what it's like to live with attention deficit disorder--then apply that to every aspect of life. The simple things are complicated and the guilt and shame are abundant. 

It creates an open door for my 

depression and anxiety to enter.  

I don't want to feel like this anymore. Today I'm thankful for friends who pushed me when I couldn't push myself. Who encouraged me and made me make hard phone calls. Who watch my kids so I could go to these appointments.  Who clean my house while I'm there and who learn how to take care of Asher so I don't have to worry and can focus on myself. I'm thankful for my husband Isaac who is seeing me through it and fighting for a wife he's never met yet. 

I am thankful today for a brand new start 

that it's NEVER too late to make.  

If you think you need a brand new start, seek help. Please! It doesn't have to be medicine but maybe it is. Make the call on Monday and then follow through. If you need a little push, I'm here for you.