The Hutchinsons Are Coming...

In May of 2016, I was losing my mind and had no hope. I wanted to quit, but there was nothing to quit. Our lives were chaotic and no matter where we looked, nothing made sense or looked the same as before. Around noon, I crawled into bed next to Isaac who was sleeping off a midnight shift. It was a very desperate move because I didn't like him very much at the time, but I needed his love.  (This is such a metaphor for how marriage can be at times, btw). 

It was very dark in our bedroom because of blackout shades we have on the windows. The dark felt comfortable. I opened up the bible on my phone to Psalms and randomly clicked on one. The words flew off of the page and into my heart, like flaming arrows. I felt a little flicker of hope. Apparently the last ember had never fully burned out. 

I kept reading and the next two psalms shot arrows, too.  I decided that those three Psalms would be our 2016 family psalms. I prayed that Isaac would wake up soon so that I could share them--faking an excited faith. I hoped that he would be excited and his passion would help me come alive a little. 

I didn't know that day that what I was feeling was the tip of the medically complex iceberg.  I didn't know what was coming (thank God). Last year was the worst year of our lives.  All of Asher's diagnoses became so much more complex and there were no answers. We sought and sought for a diagnosis for Willow and there were no answers.  There were so many medication switches and side effects. We were financially ruined from all of it. I was getting more hemiplegic migraines, Isaac's health was insanely bad with cyclic vomiting that we couldn't explain and blood work that came back terrible, yet no tests gave us answers.  Our marriage was intense in all the bad ways. I'm not telling you these things to complain, but to set up how God was plotting for the comeback of our joy.  You need to see how bad it was.  

The first psalm I read in the bed that day was Psalm 126.  I'll put the parts that spoke to me in bold. 

When the Lord restored the fortunes of Zion, 

we were like those who dream. 

Then our mouth was filled with laughter, 

and our tongue with shouts of joy; 

then they said among the nations, 

"The Lord has done great things for them." 

The Lord has done great things for us; we are glad. 

Restore our fortunes, O Lord, like streams in the Negeb! 

Those who sow in tears shall reap with shouts of joy! 

He who goes out weeping, bearing the seed for sowing, 

shall come home with shouts of joy, 

bringing his sheaves with him.

I can't tell you how much I yearned for an immediate restoration in which we could laugh and shout for joy and our fear was gone.  All we knew was weeping and bearing and sowing and mourning and financial devastation and our dreams being destroyed. 

We're much different right now; we feel restored, which I'll explain in a bit. Our mouths are filled with laughter.  What I yearned for a year ago, I'm finally (and sort of suddenly) living. 

I'm sure you're familiar with the act of choosing a word for the coming "new year." We do that...we pray about it and wait until God gives us a word.  At the end of December, He finally told us our word for 2017. 

Establish

to set up; to make firm or stable; to bring into existence; to put into a favorable position

I wondered how He was planning on establishing a very broken family. Wouldn't it be irresponsible to set us up and put us in a favorable position?  But I trusted Him and I owned that word for all of us. Within the span of about a month (early Jan. to early Feb. 2017), He quickly did the following things first: 

Restore: to bring back; to return to a former condition. 

He restored us in that month. He brought us back to the condition in which He created us. 

Confirm: to establish the truth; to acknowledge with definite assurance; to make firm; to add strength to

He confirmed us in that month. He made sure that the truth was solid (firm) within within us. It took some holy devastation, but we felt Him acknowledge us and assure us that He is faithful. 

Strengthen: to add power to; to add the inherit capacity to manifest energy, to endure, and to resist. 

He strengthened us in that month. God strengthens us with His own strength so in every way that He is powerful, that He has energy, that He endures, that He resists...the Hutchinsons got that, too. He added strength to our bodies, minds and spirits. 

To say restoring us was a whirlwind of blessings and revelation is an understatement.  Our village of people have always been amazing but in that month, they listened and obeyed God.  They sent us encouraging message after encouraging message.  They texted to tell us they were consistently praying.  They sent us gift cards.  Our church took up a love offering and brought it to our home the day before we left for Cincinnati. Families made us food, kids made us prayer boxes, friends from long ago messaged us and wanted to financially bless us...the list goes on and on. We kept wanting to scream, "We don't deserve this! Stop!" but part of God establishing us was Him teaching us to accept blessings in the posture of humility. 

We learned that refusing to accept blessings in humility was actually pride. 

More than anything anyone ever gave to us, we felt God in the offerings (who are we to deny that?) and we felt sustained because not only do we have a God that takes care of us, but we have friends and family who listen to His voice and take on the role of His hands and feet. And these are not people who have easy lives.  Every single person has their issues and some of them are really huge.  Yet..they serve the hurting in their own pain. What beautiful people.

All of that to say, we came to Celebration Church 6 years ago and I'm not even sure anyone has met us yet.  Who God created us to be outside of and within suffering. The "us" who are just The Hutchinsons. 

The Hutchinsons are coming...

Here are a few ways that the Lord has chosen to establish us so far. 

We saw healing. Not in the way that one would assume (or that you would see on a stage on TV) but it came in softly. Pastors Steve and Rob came to pray and anoint Asher with oil when he was in the hospital last week.  They kept repeating that they were expecting a miracle in our family's life and would pray until we saw it. Let me tell you how it quickly manifested. The same week of the hospital stay/prayer, we already had a neurology appointment in Cincinnati. That appointment is where we felt His Holy Spirit and decided to switch Asher's care to that neurologist. His neurologist is committed to finding the "why" for his epilepsy (IF there is one) and if applicable, connecting it to Willow's issues (he sees them together). We're completely taking Asher off of one of his medications and eventually adding in hemp oil as a treatment (which the doctor supports). It straightened our backs and strengthened us. We felt filled with purpose. A miracle. 

At the end of 2016, I finally made the phone call to a psychiatrist. After being diagnosed with depression, anxiety, ADD and PTSD, I began therapy and medications.  In February of 2017, I think I got to the right dose of my medications. I feel good and motivated and not buried beneath life. I can do life. I still feel like me, but it feels as if a veil has been ripped off of my face. A miracle. 

Last week was our 1st week back to church after a couple of months of sticking close to home as Asher's body adjusted to changing medications. Standing in the back of the church, the oppressive feelings of 2016 left my body. (I wrote about it here.) A miracle. 

Our marriage is happy; we laugh. A miracle. 

God--in all of his faithfulness--has set us up, made our faith and our feet stable and most importantly to me, He has brought The Hutchinsons into existence. Finally. 

He established us as He healed us.  
He established us on a road paved with miracles. 

In May of 2016, a desperate wife whose face was streaked with tears asked her husband to please let her borrow his faith.  He said yes. They held onto one another in the dark as she embraced his faith and let the sound of his heartbeat soothe her. 

Faithfully ever after...

Listen to "Worth It All" by Rita Springer here

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Here are the other two psalms that I read to Isaac that morning

“Unless the Lord builds the house, those who build it labor in vain. Unless the Lord watches over the city, the watchman stays awake in vain. It is in vain that you rise up early and go late to rest, eating the bread of anxious toil; for he gives to his beloved sleep. Behold, children are a heritage from the Lord, the fruit of the womb a reward. Like arrows in the hand of a warrior are the children of one's youth. Blessed is the man who fills his quiver with them! He shall not be put to shame when he speaks with his enemies in the gate.”Psalms 127:1-5 

“Blessed is everyone who fears the Lord, who walks in his ways! You shall eat the fruit of the labor of your hands; you shall be blessed, and it shall be well with you. Your wife will be like a fruitful vine within your house; your children will be like olive shoots around your table. Behold, thus shall the man be blessed who fears the Lord. The Lord bless you from Zion! May you see the prosperity of Jerusalem all the days of your life! May you see your children's children! Peace be upon Israel!”

Psalms 128:1-6 

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