I took a picture of my hand holding Asher's last night after he had a five minute seizure. His arm was still stiff so I just put his hand in mine until it eased up as he drifted off to sleep. Our hands up close like this reminds me of the shape of a human heart.
“Making the decision to have a child is momentous.
It is to decide forever to have your heart
go walking around outside your body.”
Elizabeth Stone
That quote always reminds me of God sending His son to earth. He loves us so much that He gave.
He gave He gave He gave
He gave...us His heart. He let His heart walk around outside of His body for us. I don't even care right now if the theology is fully correct on this one, it's just how I'm imagining it right now and God is ok with that.
So instead of feeling scared or sad or hopeless about this seizure, I'm going to learn from my Father and focus on giving today.
I'm giving Asher back to God.
I'm not focusing on how many days seizure free we are.
I'm giving my kids extra kisses and grace.
I'm going to pour myself out to the world today.
It's the only way. I can stay within my shell and think and research and wonder and cry which is ok some days BUT NOT THIS DAY. Today I can either let the "what ifs" pile up on me until I'm buried beneath them or I can RISE UP and give.
Today is a day to give. I can feel it. You should do it too. When you see an opportunity to give (whatever that means for you in the moment), think of Asher and do it.
***
His heart and his flesh and his lungs and his immune system and his skin and his vision and his attention and his brain synapses and his medication may fail BUT GOD is the the strength of his heart and his portion forever.
(See Psalm 73:26)
“For God so loved the world, that he gave his only Son, that whoever believes in him should not perish but have eternal life. John 3:16
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