Death is brutal for the Christian. We aren't immune to grief, we (hopefully) embrace it as Jesus did.
Are you grieving?
I hate that you're hurting. Death has so many layers. It's necessary for you to mourn, while deep down celebrating that your loved one is home. Slowly over time, the mourning that has been at the forefront recedes as the memories make it easier for the celebration to take precedence. But pain will always be there.
It doesn't have to look like anything. There's no handling it worse or better, you just feel what you feel and let the feelings come. Maybe you're taking the loss better or worse than you would have expected. And that's ok.
As the years pass (and they will pass as impossible as that seems today), I want to remind you that no one should expect instant, complete joy to be there when enough time has passed that they expect you to be "over it." Nothing is over and there's no such thing as moving on when you lose someone you love so deeply. You're a part of each other and that's beautiful.
Joy is a life-long process filled with highs and lows and lessons. Grief doesn't negate joy. Grief is needed and a piece of it will be with you until you die on this earth and awaken in heaven. So while you may not be able to right now, I'm going to thank my God for your grief because it's a tool to help you keep going when "going" is so unnatural in the midst of such deep loss.
Don't ever let anyone tell you that you're feeling it too intensely. Missing too much. Grieving too long. God gave us these things so that we may survive and fulfill our purpose on earth until we are reunited in heaven.
Here's to your joy, and here's to your grief. May joy take the lead as they dance together throughout your life.
C.S. Lewis in, A Grief Observed
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