Parenting Special Needs: How Do You FEEL?

Lately I've realized that I want someone to ask me how I feel about Willow being developmentally delayed. 

How do you FEEL about it, Courtney?

I also need someone to share in my devastation. To SEE it WITH me. Because all I do is preempt that question by assuring everyone how ok we are with it.

And even the people I let in and tell how hard this life can be don't tend to ask, "but how do you feel about your child being delayed and labeled special needs?" We just talk around it. What the doctors are saying, when the next appointment is, how we love going to IKEA after the children's hospital, we rejoice in the victories and mourn the defeats.  But what about how I feel about daily life?  I'm writing this because I don't think people know to ask that.  I wouldn't. 

I think most special needs parents need to be asked this from time to time.  So many people try to make us feel better when we don't want to feel better. We just want to...feel. 

One time, a friend told me that she cried and mourned for how hard our life can be and man, I really needed that. I didn't even know I needed it until I felt this release when she told me.  It just felt so real. It was a good lesson for me.

Sometimes people need to see you mourn FOR THEM, 

because it gets so lonely mourning alone. 

At times we need someone to cry and say: 

"I don't understand what's happening in your life

and I won't pretend to. It doesn't make sense! 

I'm sorry. I see it! I'm not going to be strong for you. 

I'm going to be weak WITH you." 

People think they always have to be the voice of strength 

but sometimes you need someone else to 

see the madness and call it out as what it is; 

otherwise you feel crazy. 

I pray that I can be this for other people, now that I know how it feels to be on the other side of it. I don't want to be another person encouraging you to get over it or to be strong. I want to be weak WITH you. And when I need to be strong FOR you, I pray that I hear His Spirit speaking. Sometimes we don't know what we need until someone gives it to us.