Obeying Without Hearing a Command

There was a day in my life when I felt like giving up in a lot of ways. All areas of my life were in disarray. And it just kept hitting. For weeks, I ranted and raved. Cried until I thought I would explode. I pulled it together one morning and was doing the dishes. I was rinsing off a plate as I wondered why I couldn't feel God's direction. His spirit spoke to mine and said: 

"I am preparing you to obey me 

even when you can't feel me." 

Those were the exact words and they just stopped me. Just like that...God spoke. And in that moment it was solidified within my spirit: 

I'm being: 

prepared 

molded 

sustained 

all at the same time. 

I knew all at once that there will be a day when I have to make plans quickly and I won't hear His voice telling me what to do; I won't feel any type of guidance. 

I'll have to do it anyway. 

I can either learn it now as He's teaching me outside of it or I can learn it in the thick of whatever is coming. While it feels like He's ignoring me, He's really protecting me.  The thought of His silence didn't scare me anymore, it settled me. I say it all the time, if you want to know His will for your life, read His word and pray. I just don't know that I'd ever followed my own advice and let it be enough. Watching the water run, it seemed so simple; I needed to read His word, pray, and not seek anything else for now.

This was such a revelation to me because I had been in a season of screaming out over and over, I'LL DO ANYTHING JUST TELL ME WHAT TO DO. I begged God for specifics. I cried out, "I'll keep reading and praying and I'll obey what you've already told me to do but TELL ME WHAT TO DO in this specific situation. I WANT TO OBEY YOU. Tell me!"

But He wouldn't. 

Tell me. 

Because He already wrote a letter explaining it all. 

I have about ten copies in my home. 

I never could get a grasp on His silence. It just felt arrogant but in that moment I realized that His silence prepares us and that had to be enough. He was "silent" for hundreds of years before Jesus came. Silent for whole generations of people. Silence can be preparation in love. Let's not be scared of it. Silence is purpose. 

I want to end with a Steven James quote: 

If music or singing was happening 

every second, every beat, it would be chaos. 

The silence in between it all is what makes a melody. 

The silence is what gently leads you to the next note.